Meimona, The Everywoman

It has been two years since I noticed that there was definitely something wrong with Meimouna. She has been our neighbor for about seven years, living three blocs away from my parents’ house. Ever since I knew her, many things have happened to us and to the country. Meimona broke up with her husband the same day the country broke up with TAYA ) (lol). I remember standing confused not able to tell my feelings. I was in the cloud nine about the news of tanks rolling around the streets of NKTT in what appeared to be a bloodless coup against the vicious dictator. This euphoria was marred by the sad face of my mother telling me that Meimouna is divorced. Although our relationship never got beyond formal and quick exchange of Salamoualeikoum, her frequent visits to the family and her shy and conservative manner made her one of those women who are likely to win your respect easily and then your affection. So, always with a head-down attitude when saying hello, she gained my respect and admiration as I started to see her as a member of the family. Small wonder then that the news of her divorce overshadowed my excitement about and celebration of Taya’s departure.

Now it has been two years since Mauritania conducted her course without Taya and Meimouna faced her fate without her husband. What became of the country is what I’ve been trying to tell you since I launched the blog. What became of Meimouna is another story, which I’ll try to tell you today.

But first, why the feeling that there’s something wrong about Meimouna?

I was walking through the corridor which lead to the living room, when I saw my mother with other women. They were talking, laughing and drinking tea. This is a familiar sight which I used to meet with a hasty hello, hurrying my way to the living room at the end of the hallway. Not now! There was Meimouna among these women, looking like nothing I’ would have expected. I was stunned when she looked at me straight in the face and asked half-speaking and half-laughing if I still know her “matleit taarafna”. I have faced this not- quite-innocent question many times and had answered it in a variety of ways, but from her it came as a shock which rendered me speechless. She was there, ten years younger than her age, confident, defiant, well dressed and casting her net wide on me. With the heavy make-up, the expensive mobile she kept brandishing and the French perfume filling the air, Meimouna fitted not in my image of a mother of five who had been left to the vagaries of the cold world after her husband abandoned her. Back to consciousness, I heard her answering a question from one of the women “hamda el moulana elli ouveit menou, houa ‘el ai eeg”.

With this note of relief and freedom from Meimouna in mind, I started to ask whether divorce is a curse or a blessing and if divorced women in our society have any regrets at all about losing the sacred bond of marital commitment and partnership. Whether a woman in our rapidly changing society has anything to loose from divorce. And If her loss, if any, is comparable to her gain.

We are probably the only society on earth which celebrates divorce and allows divorced men and women a clean bill of health when they try to marry again, and again. I'm sure the scene of divorced women being cheerlead in fancy procession cars to their parents is a sight too common for us to beg contemplation. We don't even ask whether it's a wedding or a break-up celebration, we have become so used to it that we are no more excited by the event of marriage than we're saddened by the eventuality of divorce. And by the same token that marriage has been stripped of its moral and emotional significance as a mutual partnership for life, divorce also has been purged of all its negative connotations.

We all know that divorce is the sad end of a failed marriage. In some other social contexts, divorce offers an important second chance in life for couples who couldn't get along together anymore as wife and husband. It's a chance given by society to start over without absolving the couples of their social responsibility toward the children. Society, through mechanism of behavior control, like courts and others, makes sure that we don't tamper with the value of the family which is the basis of society and the sole guarantee of its continuity. This is why state institutions, law, religion, etc are part of a network of moral vehicles cultivated and used by society to make sure that marriage is respected and that divorce is discredited. In some societies, divorced husbands can't afford to make ends meet because ninety percent of their income goes to the children. So after divorce, they find themselves confined to a life of celibacy till this end. These may be extreme measures, but they show how much societies want to preserve themselves and their continuity by making marriage sacred and by protecting the family.

I'm no Dr. Phil (lol) but this is the truth, if a society fails to monitor the behavior of individuals, the result will be a sate of anarchy where anything goes. And the laws against divorce and the social stigma attached to it worldwide are just an expression of this collective will to avoid a life of chaos and lawlessness.

But do Mauritanians think twice before they embark upon "abkadou al halai"? The answer is no. In fact they don't think at all when they take the decision. Everyone of you has certainly a member of the family who has divorced his wife, remarried and divorced her again for no reason at all. Some of you also may have close relatives who were obliged to use a third party to marry his wife , divorced for the third time, before he can claim her back "ala sounati allahi wa rassouli " (lol). If you try to figure out why both sexes are quick to resort to divorce as a handy solution for their problems, you'll be amazed to find out there need be no reason at all. Divorced men and women in our society are just relishing their rights granted to them by a culture which gives precedence to divorce over marriage. We're a society of divorcees because ours is a culture of divorce. Full stop. This explains how divorce doesn't have to do with the social background, regional origin, professional success or level of education. In Nouakchott, we're all actual or potential second-hand husbands and wives. It's amazing that as much as you're jealous, fellow Mauritanian, you don't realize that your wife today will be someone else's wife tomorrow after you would have abandoned her. So, on a deeper level of observation, we're not only a nation of divorcees but also of cuckolds (lol). Poor Mauritanians!

This may explain a bit why my neighbor looked jubilant and rebranded after the poor "garay" left her. From a wretched mother of five who bore the brunt of NKTT's life every day, she becomes now the owner of a two-story house which people started to use as an address to tell their way in the maze of our neighborhood. Last night, I had an encounter with her. I was driving past her gorgeous villa when she shouted my name asking me to pull over. She came along with a group of women whom I haven't seen in the neighborhood before and can tell form their dress, cigarettes and easy going manner they don't dwell here. She didn't say anything particular but her attitude spoke volumes.

As I started the engine, a thought crossed my mind that maybe life in our society is about attitudes. The thought kept running through my mind that if society gave Meimouna no third choice between being married and heart-broken and being divorced and happy, the blame is not hers alone if she chooses to be happy. The blame is on our culture of divorce.

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